Suspense, Anxiety, Worry, Fret, Loss...

Scary title huh? Just some emotions that are going through me now and then these days. When these emotions come, the only thing I can do is not dwell in them but trust in God, pray and do what I can from my side.

It's interesting how hard it seems to raise a child. Two of my nephews are going through puberty in totally opposite sides of the spectrum. One of my sisters is worried because his son rarely stays home and is always out playing with friends and such. An extrovert. She wants her son to stay home more. Another sister is worried because her son plays computer all day (World of Warcraft) and doesn't feel like going out to play with friends as his friends are all online anyhow. An introvert. This sister wants her son to go out more and not stay home all day.

I could simply tell them to trust that God will take care of them in their own way and not what her expectations are of the perfect child... but I told them that plenty of times with me as an example of what God does in His own time for His own children.

In elementary and jr. high, I was never home. Always outdoors playing futbol, or some outdoorsy game that my friends and I would invent and later end up fighting as we had to create rules as we went along. Run around in cemeteries. Riding bikes, skateboards, roller... skates. Going to the public swimming pool. Getting into fights. Oh yeah, I did stay home to read books when there was nothing to do.

In High School when puberty hit full-on for me. I locked myself in my room. Playing Lucasfilm Adventure games, building my own computer, getting on bulletin boards (early 90's when there was 2400 baud modems and text based bulletin boards), reading Tom Clancy books and Sci-Fi books, building and painting model airplanes, cars, tanks, robots. I would come out for dinner, and go back in and lock myself in again.

I was and still am oblivious to what my parents were thinking and trying to do with me to "fix" me in what they thought was the correct way to live, and I bet my nephews are quite oblivious as well... because right now the world revolves around them alone most likely. If I remember my past correctly.

What there needs is a stronger trust on God. Biblically speaking there are plenty of Bible verses but I guess until I get there I won't truly know the struggles of being a parent.

Will I ever be a good parent? Actually, will I ever BE a parent? Currently I don't see myself getting married. Maybe because I haven't met the right person you might think. However, according to my understanding of what God wants from my life, I don't see myself getting married... at least at this "season".

Prov 3:5-6 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."

It's a concept that runs through Scriptures. The idea that we rely and God and when we do He will make things straight. And THUS we will automatically thank God instead of thinking we did anything so great.